With All Hallows Eve right around the corner, you may be thinking Halloween candy. Maybe you want candy alternatives. You might substitute prizes for candy. But you'll probably get flak. You think you're being so health conscious and forward-thinking. But the plebs (aka your family) don't. They just see no Trick or Treat candy. My husband said we'd probably get egged if I gave out books (insert eye roll). So here's a guide to Halloween candy shopping plus a list of the best and worst Halloween candy options to give out.Halloween candy safety test (from the spouse of a militant candy-sorter) Check wrappers. Candy-checking parents are rabid on loose wrappers. Choose Trick or Treat candy that is double-wrapped, or factory sealed at both ends. Skip the twisted wrappers such as those on Tootsie Rolls and bubble gum.
Skip folded candy wrappers too. Many a Reese's Peanut Butter Cup goes in the trash after wrappers failed dad's safety detectors. You know those yummy little Palmer's chocolates shaped like bloody fingers, severed ears and such? They are acceptable only if they are not foil-wrapped. The foil comes un...foiled very easily.
Halloween candy taste test. Please for the love of Mike, skip those temptingly cheap mixed assortments that are heavy on junk candy: The nastiest candies are: Mary Jane, Root Beer Barrels, Boston Baked Beans (shudder), Mike and Ikes, Dots, Good and Plenties, Hot Tamales and peanut butter kisses. These are not trick-or-treat candy. These are not any kind of candy. They may be petrified rodent feces. No child in the history of Trick or Treat has every actually eaten a Mary Jane and lived. Or those ghastly banana chews. Pass the Xantac just thinking of it. Sixlets, Laffy Taffy and Now and Laters are debatable--some kids like 'em but most don't.
Choose Halloween candy made in America. C'mon, seriously, you can find a decent Trick or Treat candy without imports. This isn't referring to fine Dutch chocolates. This is the junky--sometimes unsafe-Chinese candy: Warheads, Toxic Sludge and some others. Safety--and common sense--first.
In summary, just pass out well-wrapped chocolates and candy bars and no one gets hurt. The more people pass candy bars out for Trick or Treat, the fewer fights when mom gets caught nabbing the chocolate candy. Since they don't allow the distribution of wine at Halloween, parents need a legal alternative. Did I mention chocolate??
Neighbors, think of it as your civic duty.
